Rory O’Donovan and Ciaran O’Callaghan
In a visit to the Phil in December, Trinity graduate Dominic West, most renowned for his role as the character McNulty in The Wire implied his achievements at this university had gone beyond the academic sphere. He told a tale of cooking his girlfriend (now his wife) dinner and serving it to her on the roof of the GMB. He further suggested that the dinner had been so successful that the couple then indulged in some pre-marital dessert.
Students at Queens’ College, The University of Melbourne in Australia have, for generations, incorporated the idea of wondrous intercourse to their very own campus. In fact, it is an established collegiate tradition that continues to be taken quite seriously by many past and current members of the institution. “Wonders” range from the glamorous: the top of the college’s architecturally stunning tower; the omnipotent Master of the College’s overly-expensive dining hall chair and the Master’s very own doorstep; to the not-so-glamorous: the laundry room. Rules apply and there are very specific and intricate terms and conditions as to what constitutes a wonder – as seedy as it sounds it is all very much true. One Alumni of the College, who – though currently residing on the other side of the world – will remain anonymous, recently told us – “the greatest achievement in my undergraduate years was grabbing all the wonders. Crikey all the big firms love it”.
Inspired by West’s achievements and the standard set by other universities around the world, the question becomes palpable: What are, if there are any, Trinity College Dublin’s Seven Wonders? Research is needed …
Number Seven: Any Room on the 5th Floor of the Arts Block
Precedence: The story goes that an adventurous Trinity couple, just last year, spent some quality time together in an unnamed room on the 5th floor of the Arts Block. The feat is all the more impressive considering the couple in question claim to have done the deed during the day with only a wedged-shut door separating them from the busy corridors.
Achievement Involves: Successful attainment of the 7th wonder is relatively simple and involves carnal knowledge of another being achieved in any available room on the 5th floor of the Arts Block.
For the Ambitious: Fornication in the ‘garden’ on the 5th floor, surrounded on three sides by glass, is to be considered an impressive achievement.
Number Six: The Pool tables of the GMB
Precedence: Legend has it that an infamous Irish politician once did more than just pot the black here. This feat is considered to be comparatively unimpressive when those involved are members of certain societies that allow them access to the keys to such areas.
Achievement Involves: Potting with a partner; ensuring the felt isn’t torn.
For the Ambitious: To be achieved whilst a Phil debate is in full flow.
Number Five: The roof of the GMB or Museum Building
Precedence: As alluded to above – the achievements of McNulty. Again, for those with a key who can boast legitimate rights of access, the feat is practically void. Those with access to one roof should consider the other.
Achievement Involves: Both the successful preparation and service of a delicious meal, followed by the appropriate. Or just the latter.
For the Ambitious: The steps of the GMB or Museum Building
Number Four: The Swimming Pool Changing Cubicles
Precedence: A current student of our University, Tobias* told us “Well swimming is boring and there was no sign which read ‘no heavy petting’ so I did the duty and did some casual petting … I’m not going to tell you whether the petting was heavy, I don’t know, it was essential that I had to be swift.” Evidently health and safety is quite problematic in terms of the logistics behind getting randy in the swimming pool area. Tobias digressed: “I wouldn’t recommend it; slippery is an understatement – its just there’s definitely something hot about a girl in goggles”.
Achievement Involves: A private workout with a partner in one of the smaller cubicles.
For the Ambitious: Undoubtedly the sauna/steam room. Atmosphere is a vital ingredient. But beware – there are no locks on the door for a reason.
Number Three: The Rose Garden
Precedence: One couple, recently departed from our college, shared a story of an unplanned rumble in the rose bushes, inspired by an evening in the Pav. ‘We were interrupted more than once by other couples scoring on the benches and had to wait for them to leave before we continued. It was weird for a time, I felt like we were creeping on them from the bushes’.
Achievement Involves: Getting down and dirty in the bushes, or on the grass, or on one of the benches.
For the Ambitious: The crease of the Cricket Pitch, just around the corner, during a cricket game.
Number Two: The Library
Precedence: A variety of couples – both past and present Trinity students – have shared their Library-located adventures with us, with the most popular location proving to be the Berkeley basement.
Achievement Involves: A un-literary revival to be accomplished within the confines of the Library, whilst holding a book.
For the Ambitious: Early Printed Books, just above the Book of Kells, whilst tours are in progress.
Number One: Underneath the Campanile
Precedence: Archival Research continues. Expected to be completed by summer 2012.
Achievement Involves: Celebrating the most impressive of intimate wonders underneath one of Trinity’s greatest architectural wonders.
For the Ambitious: To arrive when the bell is ringing, during exam time… This negates the superstition that failure in final exams is inevitable. Ding Dong.