Conor O’Donovan | Resident Satirist
With many deadlines looming, this particular stretch of January is often associated with essay related stress. As this period unfolds once again it remains difficult to gauge its effects on the student population. This could have something to do with the dynamic of the library, as it doesn’t readily lend itself to audible expressions of discomfort with many students only venting to their most trustworthy companions. Despite this, one young BESS fresher recently felt the need to make it known to UT that the Ussher is a place where “the sesh goes to decompose.”
In this context, leaving aside the odd pile of quivering flesh, desperately considering whether to use customwritingservice.com, in the corner of the 24-hour room, the psychological strain of essay writing remains an abstraction. This has failed to divert the annual influx of goodwill from Trinity’s many societies, however. Following the revelation that the SU’s tea vat doubles up as a bath for busy executive officers, there has been a distinct increase in Society efforts to reach out. “I’ve always found the idea of a think tank rather unsavoury” quipped one SF Hist Pol, before falling off their ‘gobbeting stool.’
A female member of the society, roaming the Ussher dressed in period attire, reduced several students to tears with her disdainful remarks in an initiative named ‘Estella Search’
At the turn of the year, perhaps hoping to capitalise on the additional schols contingent, Lit Soc made an attempt to capture the BLU’s imagination. A female member of the society, roaming the Ussher dressed in period attire, reduced several students to tears with her disdainful remarks in an initiative named ‘Estella Search’. “Students oft wile away the hours searching for their favourite Dickensian characters in the Ussher, why not blow off steam by taking a more literal approach,” enthused a senior member of the society of a hearty stoop of ‘Vagrant’s Regret’ in the Gingermen. Unfortunately, a recent poll has demonstrated that the reference was lost on 65% of those occupying even the Ussher’s most obtusely arranged seating.
Fish Soc’s efforts have proved more aggravating towards BLU staff. The week of the 7th saw the secret installation of the now notorious “Dewey Decibel” sound system, intended to provide students with “beats fresh enough to criticise to”. For at least six hours, the expensive setup broadcasted a caché of obscure house demos recently recovered from the Mariana Trench and free form poetry contributed by members, known as “Haddock Rap”. Attempts to assuage disgruntled librarians have proved even more provocative: the proposed “Plaice for a Place” initiative, under which students could reserve seats with a fillet of the popular white fish, was promptly shelved. Allegations have since been made that a rogue sect of Fish Soc quartermasters has been filling popular undergrad book hiding spots with spoiled Calamari.
Many students mistook the outbreak of hostilities for a Trinity Communications shoot, perhaps part of the recent rebranding process. “They were all flinging hummus at each other and one lad was wearing a Bombay Bicycle Club tank-top’
Pandemonium returned to the Ussher last week when Food & Drink’s clandestine canapé smuggling operation was uncovered. Before staff could intervene, Food & Drink members were set upon by the Classics Society. Eyewitness accounts indicate Classics read the situation as an attempt on Food and Drink’s part to forge an illegitimate trade route with Scandanavian Soc, who are rumoured to be wintering on the fifth floor. Many students mistook the outbreak of hostilities for a Trinity Communications shoot, perhaps part of the recent rebranding process. “They were all flinging hummus at each other and one lad was wearing a Bombay Bicycle Club tank-top, it doesn’t get much more unay than that,” remarked one JS TSMer, in between sucking tapenade out of their keyboard.
Special dispensation of the Dean’s Roll of Honour has been granted to several members of DUPA for their role in documenting the “foodshed”. The college was less vocal on the candid shots of dismayed Social Sciences students taken in the Arts Block lobby. The renovations to the Lecky’s primary entrance have been the source of much confusion; “Well like, I can’t get in,” concluded one SS Economics student. Most departments have held firm in their stance that deadlines will not be extended. Those who have found their way into the Lecky have been reminded to read with the grain, as many surfaces remain unsanded.
With the “Leadership Race” beckoning, a key part of the vote may be secured in returning peace to the BLU. Fears that all hope for such a resolution down in the Hamilton was gone were confirmed in the last few days when contact with the library was lost. It is now believed to be under the control of Sci-Fi dissidents who may well be unwilling to facilitate a cease-fi. Representatives from the CSC are to travel to the Hamilton in the coming days to negotiate the release of certain key Players.
It could be argued that these events are, in fact, manifestations of the individual’s internal torment that comes with essay season. It is this reporter’s opinion, however, that this would be a failure to see the bigger picture. If one is to get to the core of the issue one must visit the libraries in order to get a sense of the outwardly calm atmosphere which has proved the catalyst for such unrest, both internal and external.